When you do something wrong or during some situation when you need to apologise you didn't , you didn't speak a word, always tell me to just to stop crying.
On the bus ride home, i'm thinking hard and had the thought of giving everything up , and what is the point of giving up.
When i found out more and more things, i feel guilty and hated myself me . It feel as if i'm more and more don't know you, seems more and more like a stranger to me.
We never held hands when we are out, are been as loving , as taking much picture as before, everytime my close friends asked about us, they saw and they asked me , i don't even know how to answer.
I felt like i am a failure , someone who is not pretty , not attractive , doesn't have big boobs / good figure.
Sometimes i kept quiet and stop asking anything , but once i asked i find out more and more things .
Problem solved for now, but i really wonder how much things i really don't know and how much things you're keeping it from me. You don't bother to apologise at all.
I really wonder will you change, will you ever change ? To stop fucking flirting around and wonder how many of them don't fucking know you have had a girlfriend for fucking going 4years . If you never approach those girls, would they girls approach you? If you never take number from them, would they take from you? If they approach you or whatsoever, you could fucking REJECT them.. c'mon you got a fucking girlfriend who is fucking sensitive and love you alot .
I really wonder and felt fucking stupid for trusting you, because you are my fucking boyfriend, i love and trusted you so much. What should i do to stop you from doing all these? OR you need to fucking need them to live, then you should be fucking single and have fun clubbing or do whatever you want with them.
I also wonder why you would fucking do things to hurt me and things that will make me sad , if you don't like me to be upset , why would you do all these things? WHY?
I'm getting more and more disappointment . If i don't fucking care about all these, i wouldn't love you.
I even thought to myself is it a wrong decision to choose you over bryan, prove me wrong will you?
Change for the better , can't you just be faithful and stop playing around? I wouldn't think flirting around is considered mature.
Fine. I'm just making a big fuss over something small? Those things that i found out never fails to make me have flashbacks , nightmare almost every nights . Will you ever think of me?
Sorry if this affects you , i have dropped this topic off for awhile and i am talking about this again.
But it's giving me nightmare, i always got a shock to wake up halfway to sleep.
Lastly, I do really hope you do what you have told me , do change for the better , to be faithful .
I really trusted you so much , please don't disappoint me anymore.
Somewhat i still have a feeling that there is still more things that i don't know.
xx love you & nights.
