i feel so far from this world. #randomthoughts.
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if everything seems so miserable,i would hope for the world to end, so i would end my life without sufferings.
hate the feeling of being so poor, the point of studying/working is cause of money,everything is also because of money. At some point i really hate money, if only it doesn't exist , more people would be happy , more people would not have gamble or died. what is the point of having money then? They love to create things that will bring more hurts to people. If the world really ends, would branded and money be worth it then? or should i save more money for my family + his family to get on the boat if the world really ends just like in the 2012 movie? now i'm worrying about world ending problems, which i used to say him and asked him stop being so paraniod about the world ending , but here i am worrying and ranting about it.
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Something very irrelevant but i'm still gonna post this up, cause i think i need to post up something positive about him on my blog and i suddenly have alot of flashbacks of us.
love every moment spent with him, if i have any problem, he will be there to guide me and tell me what i am suppose to do. When i wanted to give up and i have absolutely no confidence in myself, he will be there to support me, even if it might fails. How can i not love someone like him? Although he hurts me sometimes, but he has his strength too .
He might not be a good boyfriend, but he is a good one to me. He always asked what i wanted to eat , and mostly would accomodate to me . He would bring me to eat my favourite jap. food , have my salmon every time he got his pay, his pay isn't much as he need to pay for his own expenses and for his bills and stuffs, sometimes he barely had any for himself , when im broke, he would pass me some even though he himself didn't have much left either. Those little things that he would do for me, i always appreciate them and im happy enough. He always spent his off days with me, or if he ended his work early he would asked if we want to meet up even for a few hours, for a short meal or something. He is working in the service line, and only had one day off a week, sometimes he need to work for very long hours, he made the effort to meet me though he is very tired. Even a simple stay at home day, i'm very happy with it.
Sometime i really hated myself to be angry with him over the small matters , being stubborn, sometimes it my fault and he is always the one that would give in to me. I am not someone who would give in easily and would never ever apologise even if it is my fault. I would expected the other party to apologise to me, to give in to me even if im in the wrong, i always have the i-dont-care attitude and wanted everything in my way. I gotta blame myself for not being in his shoes and think. #superfailed. Even for his birthday , he suggested to hold it at home, i insisted to held outside, he did it even for me. He even decides to call it off to celebrate with his family just because i don't want it to be held at his place and in the end being held outside again, because he don't want me to be unhappy with that. #oneofmybiggestregretsinlife. #foreverneverfailstogiveintome
He made me what i am today, to at least pass my o lvls and get on to polytechnics, he care for me like a father, worry for me . I skipped school and not doing well for last semester, it's my fault. He always to me not to skip school and i never listen to him and keep not attending lesson. I once told him i wanted to open a blogshop like those well known blogshop before and i always have zero confidence in myself, but he had in me. He said he gave me a chance and woud definitely support me, he did not mind if it's a success or a failure . Which my parents would never able to do it. He would be doing most of the things for me like getting supplier , delivery etc. all those hard chores ,most of the stuffs. I dont regret being with him before. He guided me in to the right route unlike my other ex-bf in the past and i'm thankful for him to appear in my life and everything he had done for me. I always say he never think of me, never put himself in my shoes to think, but it's seems like i am the one that never think of him and always wanted to do this my way. Thank you for everything, baby.
xoxo.
Ps://certain things he had done for me,i did not post up or mention doesn't mean he did not do anything for me. So please don't assume.
